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I first attended a New York Jacks meeting with a friend on a Tuesday a few weeks ago. New York Jacks is aimed at these men, most of them gay, who are interested in group masturbation — witnessing it, participating in it, and making like-minded friends. Jerking off or talking about doing so with someone else was as close as I could get at the time to admitting same-sex desire, by labeling it simple boyish curiosity. I lived for years in denial about what I wanted from other boys my age, or why, and chalked my interest up to the plausible deniability of anthropological curiosity. What if we see someone we know? New members receive a 7-day premium membership trial to whet their appetites. My own scattered, teenage experiments were furtive and secret, and made me feel a deep and long-lasting shame about my own interest.

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Janiyah. Age: 21.
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In an effort to better understand the appeal of mutual masturbation and the community that seeks it, I went looking for other men for whom jerking off together is not merely sex-adjacent, but an important part of a balanced sex life.

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Isabela. Age: 28.
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This insistence on the primal, the ur-male act of self-pleasure, is interesting to consider as a dividing line between mutual masturbation and sex, and the distinct kinds of relationships that surround both. What if we see someone we know? Not wanting to overcommit, I paid the single entry fee and resolved to keep an open mind about investing in my jerk-off future. My earliest sexual experiences involved mutual masturbation — at sleepovers, in someone's unchaperoned basement, or over Skype — but I have often been afraid to admit how formative I believe those early, secret explorations were to my sexual development.

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